From Jan to Feb.

Hi guys!
For those of you who asked me to update my blog sooner than this, here's a biiiiiig apology! Im back in Cardiff, and university life doesn't really allow me to blog so frequently. In between all the lectures, tutorials and other stuff, I hardly ever get time to think and write down my thoughts. Like now. This is most definitely not my typical kind of post but hey, I'm still going to rant on about what I've been up to lately. And for all those of you who think Im always online on Facebook, SHH, Im not always facebooking you know, the tab is just always open :P
Anyway.
The first few days after coming to college were crazy. It took me 3 days to completely unpack because I, the semi-blonde that I am, thought that bringing all my summer clothes would be the best idea. But my room is TINY! and the cupboard can't accommodate my winter and summer clothes. As a result, my room is ALWAYS in a mess because I keep throwing clothes on the floor while fishing for clothes in my cupboard. Sighh. And then FOOD-biggest problem of living in a self catered accommodation. Thankfully, my mum insisted on packing a few eatables for the initial days so I didn't really have to cook. Kind of regretting bringing more clothes than food ( my best friend better not be reading this) but it's okay, Im managing well enough.
I'm so happy to be back. Cardiff already feels like home. I have my homesick days but then, I asked for it :P I love college, I love my professors and tutors. They're so nice and welcoming. As long as you do all your work, they dont care about whatever the hell you do. And the support here is wonderful. They do everything to make sure you're understanding what they've been teaching, even if you email them 10 times a day, they reply with a solution. So I'm pretty happy with my decision.
I get weekends+Fridays off, which is cool but then being a law student, I have tons of work piled up for the week and I procrastinate a lot which, sigh, I cant do anything about, anymore. I've given up.
SO YEAH, whooop -di- do.

ITS FEBRUARY. God, how much I love this month.
However, what I can't understand is why people are so ajfbjwef about Valentine's Day. I dont get how being single sucks so much. IT DOESN'T. Been there, done that. + where in the world does Valentine= mean a spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend, why can't we just dedicate one whole day to people we love from the bottom of our heart, even if it's our best friend? Seriously, being single doesn't stop you from celebrating love. I love this day of the month and the days before it. My heart literally melts when I see old people queuing up in shops to buy gifts for their spouses, it makes me believe in forever & when young people (punks/guys who look like they can't commit) have conversations with their friends about what to gift their girlfriend, and even when some people buy cards saying I love you, mum/dad. It makes me so happy to see so much love in this world. Being spiteful about a day that makes you want to believe in love is never really a solution to anything. Not saying that we shouldn't celebrate everyday like its V-day, but you get what I mean right ? Oh well, to each his own.
Also, it's my birthday month and my birthday gets me all excited like a 5 year old. I swear, I can never grow up. It's going to be a low key one though, because I lost my grandpa (read : favourite-est person) this new year :( and I dont really want to celebrate anything right now. But life goes on, he taught me that and I'm going to definitely follow it.
Then we have this event in college, called Go Global which represents the different countries and their people, studying here. So the Indian Society is putting up a little dance show and I'm going to performing on the 24th of this month! Im so pumped about it. Firstly because it's my first ever performance here and secondly, because I'm performing after like 6 months or so. I missed rehearsing as a team, coming up with steps, fighting over songs and all that, and voila- here we are again.

This sums about the last month and the current one. I had a good time back home. It felt amazing to be with the people I'd been missing like crazy over here. My friends and family made sure I was well fed and pampered before I came back here, haha. I'm also happy that I got to say goodbye to my nana and spend some quality time with him. Funny how things turn out. One day someone seems like the happiest,healthiest person and the next day, he's gone, just like that. I don't quite understand how this works but I wont dwell into it, either.
I should probably go to bed now. Got a lecture in 3 hours and I haven't slept a wink. No, I wasn't studying THAT much. I had to watch Pretty Little Liars and woah, what an episode. This show never stops giving me goosebumps. Can't wait another weeeek!!

Hope you all have a good February!
xxxx

& it all makes sense to me.

When she first saw him, she couldn't help but smile. It wasn't like she felt an instant connection with him, but there was something about him that made her smile. Maybe the way he looked at her, or the way he stood, leaning against a table, with a half smile trying to bury away the awkwardness of the moment.
She bumped into him a couple of days later. Their hands brushed in a hurried hello, as she struggled her way into the long waiting line. He stood a behind her, separated by a couple of chattering young girls, looking around, waiting for his turn. She turned and made small conversation with him, unsure of what to say to the person she'd met some days ago.

As days passed by, they got to know each other more. She enjoyed being in his company, waiting to see him each day. He opened up to her, spoke to her about everything under the sun. She was surprised  at how she could forget all her sorrows just by having him next to her. Their instant bond surprised her, maybe because, he was so easy to talk to. She missed him when he was away, when he wasn't with her all the time. She missed his silly laugh and his ability to find something funny in every situation.

She was unsure of what to name their relationship, she never really knew. But for her, he was her own little world. When she was breaking, he stitched her up slowly ; when she was happy, he was the reason ; when she cried, he let her wet his sweatshirt ; when she was sick, he became the expert at medicine and when she wanted no one around her, she secretly hoped he'd come.
She didn't know what was it about him, that made her go weak in her knees. Maybe it was his goofy smile and cheery nature, or his thoughtful&kind eyes, or maybe the love filled bear hug he gave her every time they met. His heart was in the right place, of that she was sure. He took care of her like no one ever did.

When she looks back and recollects her thoughts, she laughs. Laughs because with him she suddenly feels like a little girl all over again. The one who always has someone to make her laugh, who protects her and appreciates her, for whom she doesn't have to change her ways, and can be the same fun loving, hyper and happy girl , who once got lost a long time back.

Now,she looks forward to each day, ready to face to world. She smiles because she wants to, because there's a small name behind it and because, the only emotion she feels now is happiness :)

It's all okay.

It's funny how the anxiousness of meeting new people tends to show them exactly how you are. But then those are the people you immediately click with, be yourself with, who don't judge you at all, maybe because they feel the same ; people who have your back 24x7, for whom time is just a number& friendship, a real deal ; people who you can call over at 4 am because you want someone to talk to or merely because you just need a laugh ; people who stitch you up when you're torn apart and people who become such an important part of your life, that days without them seem meaningless and empty.

As I sat on the window sill of my room at University, I started thinking about situations, people and things. I'd had a terrible couple of weeks. But I've still found a way to be happy amidst the emotional upheaval. From being torn apart to being sewn back together, the last couple of weeks made me stronger. It taught me how nothing is always perfect, how things that seem perfect tend to fool you at times and how people who you love and trust are not always the people who're gonna stand by you till the end. It taught me how getting too attached may not be the best idea and made me realize that trusting someone with your life is risky. But it didn't involve any negativity. The absurdity of the situation amused me, but it made me look for things that made me happy. That made me discover who I really am.
College makes me happy. The feeling of being missed by everyone back home, the feeling of independence, the feeling of not being judged all the time and doing your own thing makes me happy. A good morning text from my mom, an " i miss you " from my best friends back in Delhi, random trips to the mall, spontaneous movie/dinner plans, 4 am meetings and deep talks with my favourite people here, make me realise how I can lead two different lives with different people and still be the same person.

When the sun sets here at 4 pm, an immediate feeling of fear rushes through my body. The fear of not having completed my work and not having done those odd jobs I was supposed to. But then I look at my watch and smile because I know I have a long way to go. That's life. A certain period comes when you feel helpless and dejected, but the hope and knowledge of having a long road ahead of you, full of opportunities, makes you realise that life is too short to be anything but happy :)

Blog Award :D

THANK YOU Ajay Kontham for nominating me for my very first blog award :) Im honoured and really pleased to have such generous and wonderful fellow bloggers and readers.

I recently read Ajay's Blog and absolutely LOVED what he'd blogged. So all you fellow bloggers and readers, make sure you take out time to have a look at his wonderful posts.

So I was told to follow certain rules once Ive been tagged for a particular award AND since these rules are prettttty cool, I dont mind following them :D

So the rules are :

• Thank the person for nominating you for the award and provide a link back
• State 7 random facts about yourself
• Answer the questions asked by the tagger
• Generate 10 random questions for the bloggers you nominated
• Pass on the award and inform them

Im done with the first rule. Anywhoooo, THANK YOU AJAY :)

#2 State 7 random facts about yourself

• Im crazy about dogs. My craziness about them, overrules any amount of teen love for celebrity heart throbs .
• Im an animal lover and therefore, I'm a strict vegetarian even though im from a typical Punjabi family. 
• Im an extremely emotional person but I can hide my feelings easily. 
• Im dying to start studying as soon as I reach my University. Call me nerdy, but, I cant wait to open my law books
• I love shopping. But im not brand conscious. I'd rather buy 10 pieces of clothes from some random market then spend that entire money on one t-shirt/dress/pair of shoes.
• I take time to open up to people, but I feel Im pretty approachable as a person
• I cannot resist cheesecake and tiramisu. No matter how full I am and no matter how fat I get. I can't not eat them :D

#3 Answer the questions asked by the tagger

- Your motto in life?

Dont think about the reasons why it won't happen and believe in the ONE reason why it will :)

-Ideal person/Role model

 My mom. The perfect example of a strong headed career woman and a wonderful mother/wife/daughter. My confidante, support, strength. The reason why I believe in myself.

-What is the last thing you want to do?

 Erm.. :P I dont know how specific this is. Say goodbye to everyone I love, I guess?

-Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?

I see myself happy. No matter what Im doing, where I am. Just happy. and in love :)

-What would be one thing you would like to change from your past? 

Haha. Well, I wish a certain someone hadn't entered a certain "someone very special's" life. And I wish I could relive 2009 and amend all the mistakes I made.

-What crazy idea is on your mind right now?

Well Im packing for college and was wondering if I could carry one suitcase with just my shoes in it. hehehe

-What would you do if you were the last person on earth

I like being alone at times but not all the time. So I'd read a lot and dance a lot . And pray for some company :s

-What do you value the most in your life?

WHAT. Umm, I'd value my education a lot. And the fact that I have such wonderful people who love me :D

-Rate my blog on the scale of 10

EIGHT <3

-Review my blog, please.

Ajay, I think you're a wonderful writer. Your blog is realistic, fictional and to the point. It shows that you're a deep thinker. Your thoughts and stories are penned down beautifully. Keep writing :)

#4 Generate 10 random questions for the blogger you nominated.

• What is one thing you absolutely love about yourself?
• Do you think that our generation deserves the kind of bad mouthing it usually gets?
• If you were Steve Jobs, what kind of Apple product, would you invent?
• Imagine you're one of the survivors of Titanic. Describe your feelings
• Does wearing short and revealing clothes prove that a girl has a low character?
• What, according to you, is love?
• You're a well known celebrity and it's your wedding day. Who do you choose to plan and manage your wedding and why? a) Jennifer Aniston b) Emma Watson c) Rihanna
• Interpret my blog title-"Catch your angel before she falls"
• Which is your favourite-est song to dance to?
• What/Who angers you THE MOST?

GOOD LUCK :P

#4 Pass on the award and inform them

Muse-Ment

The Soul Sanctuary

Hello There Machas and other Fisher women

The Voice In My Head

Congratulations :D

Introspecting.

What do you do when the person you love the most, hurts you and makes you feel as if  whatever trust you built up on him/her was worthless? Its the worst feeling ever.
All the promises of a happily ever after seem non existant. Its like you just want to curl up into a ball and go into hibernation for the next 15 years of your life, and when you come out, you never want to see that person again. But then, like a magnet, LOVE, pulls your towards him/her. You feel that giving that person a second chance is not a big deal. As much as it kills you, you want that person right next to you. Their apology might seem meaningless, but youre willing to listen because youre not ready to let go. Youre willing to push back those memories right at the back of your mind, but youre not willing to throw them out. Because.. you cant. As much as you try, it stays. And of course it gives you a hard time. Its not paying you rent is it? Instead its like an irritating tenant who refuses to let you stay in peace. Its a constant reminder of the pain youve felt. Makes you angry , even months after you've said "its okay". Moving on is never an option. Youre obligated to live with it for  the rest of your time with that person. And then, sensitive as we might be, we try not to let it destroy what we have with that person. The one, who no matter how many times hurts you, is impossible to let go of. To hurt, like they hurt you. These feelings wake you up in the middle of the night. Dont let you sleep at times. And just when youre all happy again- Here come the feelings that you thought you'd forgotten. Its like a constant cycle. Never stops, never goes away. The one feeling of hate ALWAYS stays. But sometimes, its not hate. Its just a broken heart and lots and lots of love. Because youre not as strong as you thought you were. OR maybe, the relationship is worth fighting for. Fighting with your feelings, fighting with your mind and believing that giving that person a second chance was worth every tear. And all of a sudden, you realise that the pain you feel when youre in love is meaningless because the happiness you feel is what counts. 

Blues.

April 13th meant nothing to me. EVEN though my boards got over *indifferent shrug*. I still have to crack the big C-L-A-T, to decide which college Im going to ..
And once the I finish these entrances on the 20th of May, Im gonna be greeted by the ever so awaited (NOT ) board results.. So basically, Ive not been able to have REAL fun since the 1st of February because of the constant pressure of doing well. Well, not parental pressure, just my own What-if-i-fail pressure. Dum dee dah.
However, JUNE is one month im waiting desperately for. Im not entering my room unless its for sleeping or getting ready. Parties,movies, FOOD, and RISHIKESH bitches :D
SO its kind of crazy how EVERYONE packed their bags and rushed off to Goa as soon as they got over with their exams. So jealous -.- And now my news feed is spammed with pictures of the beach and all those people. And Im literally like, they know him? She knows her? They met in Goa? EVERYONE MET IN GOA? *sigh*
I wouldve gone too (sly smile) but then I kind of care about my college a bit more, since I REALLY NEED TO GET OUT OF DELHI NOW.
Gaah, I never realised how much I'd face this year. From exams, to college, to friends. EVERYTHING slapped me accross my face all together, oww. Give a girl a break please. Ive just been rushing to my law classes, cramming up stuff for my exams yet again, having serious talks with my Math and General Knowledge book as to how they shouldnt give me such a tough time and just accept me as I am. But OH NO, they HAVE to make me struggle dont they? i though i was done with math back in class 10th, but it came running after me -.-
Anyway, I should go get back to my books. I'd be back hopefully. Till then, everybody shout out.. LAWYERED B) kay bye.

My Bucket List

My best friend and I had made a pact to share each other's Bucket Lists, or in other words, " Things to do before I die" list. We promised to complete one before college and even though it took me a long long time to jot down the points right from my head, here it is :D ( In no particualr order)

• Make a change in the world and help people/animals by becoming a successful lawyer
• Eat every flavour of ice cream ever invented
• Get someone to write a song for me and actually mean it
• Build a home for the tortured and wandering stray animals
• Live in Paris
• Re-buy my granparent's old house for them
• Travel to Venice, Rome, Hawaii and Australia all in one year
• Spend a night in a haunted mansion
• Own enough money to improve the living conditions of my country people
• LEARN A ROUTINE FROM STEP UP
• Own a beach house
• Change people's lives. A good change.

Yeah so I think I missed out on a lot but Ill add on as soon as I remember.

Daddy's Not So Little Girl. (3)

Please read Part 2 here http://surabhix.blogspot.in/2012/04/daddys-not-so-little-girl-2.html#links before continuinggg :)

She clutched his hand and sobbed, wanting him to hug her, to make her sit on his lap just like he did when she was a little girl. She bawled and screamed, shaking him awake. " You were always so busy turning your little baby into a woman, but look what youve done, youve turned a woman back into a baby", whispered Lydia. Her tears ran dry as she lay against him, whispering her forgiveness for all those times she'd cursed him unknowingly for having taken away her beauty. She thanked him for being her friend, her guide, her first love and her idol. "There's no one like you Daddy, said Lydia as she slowly got and up and reached for the door.

The doctor asked her to go home and come back later. She drove calmly, her eyes blurred. As she reached home, she went straight to her father's room, basking in the comfort zone of the two people who had left her to be on her own.. an orphan. She curled up on the bed, wanting to hibernate, to go far away when her hand brushed against something under a pillow. She lifted the pillow and found an envelope addressed to her. Her hands shaking she tore it open and pulled out a letter. It read :

My dear Lydia,

Its been a while since Ive called you that. I was the one who chose your name when you were born and your mother readily agreed. It means Sunshine and you were our very own. When you came into this world, my life was forever changed. I became a home dad, wanting to hold you close and breath in your warm milky breath as you tumbled and rolled all over me, giggling and showing off your beautiful little smile. As you grew into a beautiful damsel, I got scared. Scared that one day, this daddy's little girl would become someone else's and i might lose my title of being your first love. But then your mother died and the whole world shut around me. I felt caged and helpless. My only support left me alone to look after you, to educate you and send you away on a white horse. She entrusted you to me, and I failed. I became sad and lonely and resorted to drinking and drugs. I knew I wasnt doing the right thing, but I lost all control. I hit you, and made you cry. Something so unforgivable that I will curse myself long after I leave this world. Last week, I went to the doctor, he told me I had destroyed my health and one day i might not wake up. So I decided to write this. I hope one day, you'll forgive me. I want you to know that I love you. I never wanted to see you sad. Your old dad apologises to his little girl.

Be safe. Show the world that you are strong, because that's what you really are. You're a miracle.

Love

Papa.

Lydia broke into tears....

The End.

If most of you were expecting something else, Im sorry to disappoint. While writing this, I constantly kept my own parents in my mind. Our arguements and our playful fights and all this while I couldnt help thinking how impossible life would be without our own parents.

The joys of parents are a secret and so are their griefs and fears ; they cannot utter the one and nor will they utter the other.