Saturday, July 12, 2014

Thank you, Maa.

She worries a lot, abandoning her beautiful smile for a forlorn expression. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you Maa, I thought you'd get angry", I remember telling her once, when she asked me why I hadn't told her that I'd hurt myself. I knew it was a silly excuse, that she would have found out anyway; mother's instinct, she calls it.
She usually walks with her head held high. "Because I'm your mother and you make me proud everyday", she says. Little does she know that every time she walks with me, I'm the proud one. Not only because she's the most perfect mother in the world, but because every time she walks with me, her head lowers down, to look over every step I take, making sure I don't stumble.

She isn't a typical Indian housewife and to be honest, she was never brought up to be one. My grandparent's ambitious nature carved her into an accomplished career woman; 9 to 5 job, client meetings et al. In the midst of her passion to work, she jumped from obstacles to more obstacles, struggling to "fit in" and be "accepted" for who she was. Come to think of it, a newly married woman working at an ad agency and later at a travel agency, spending hours with clients - how could our society come to terms with such a bold move, especially when things were a bit rocky at home?
It is her integrity, self-respect, humility and morals that I am most thankful for, today. Not only did she swear by these qualities at every moment of her life, but also made it a point to instill them in me, right from the beginning. Her boldest move however, was when she finally stopped
working to fit in, and instead, started working to give me the most beautiful life.

"My heart breaks when your heart breaks", my mother whispered. "I broke up Maa, not you", I exclaimed, wiping her tears.
My mother is a quaintrelle. She also makes everyone's problems her own and lives her life for others, constantly trying to help those around her. I wish I was as sacrificing as she is and I know that I probably would never be. Her passion lies in helping people and after 20 long years she finally decided to pursue psychology and art therapy. Today, when I see her running from one workplace to another, stopping at home for a bite of lunch, I try not to feel too overwhelmed. It is her passion that has allowed me to study in one of the most expensive countries. But it is also her idea of commitment and hard work, that has truly helped me survive there.

There have been days when I've been applauded for being who I am, when I've done well in a test, a competition or life, in general. They applaud my hard work and my personal qualities, but I just smile, trying not to feel too proud of my mother. Had it not been for her million sacrifices, her missed outings with friends, her working from home till I was independent enough, her habit of keeping a check on wherever I go and her values which taught me to always face my fears, speak the truth and live respectfully, I wouldn't be the person I am today.

"Nana always wanted me to be lawyer and I thought it was a perfect career for me.", she said, reminiscing about her college days. "I got married very early, but promise me you will stand on your own feet before you become a Mrs. XYZ".
4 years ago, she urged me to follow me dreams because she couldn't follow hers. But I chose to follow her dreams instead, making them mine. After all, I am, quite literally, a part of her.

1 comment:

  1. awwwwww....such a beautiful bond

    i am reminded of my mum