Sunday, May 18, 2014

Who Am I In This "Cupcake" Called Life?

Change is never easy. It's a major battle between letting go and holding on, with a more than evident winner.
Since the past two years, I've come to accept change as something so acquiescent, that it's difficult for me to actually believe that turning the pages of one's life has a possibility to be attached to negativity. These two years have helped me discover myself. They've made me challenge my beliefs, forgive, introspect constantly and accept myself for the person I am. Heck, everyday I learn something new, not about my neighbor or someone who lives a 1000 miles away from me, but about myself, and there's not greater feeling than finally, FINALLY, knowing who I am.

So here's a list of my top five "Who Am I?" moments:

  • I prefer intellectual conversations over mindless gossip- Even a tad bit of gossip/bad mouthing or even knowing about the ABC of some XYZ person's life doesn't interest me anymore. I'd rather talk about people who did some good in the world, who changed people and affected their mindsets, their beliefs and their choices. I'd rather spend hours talking about a literature, cuisines, politics (learning) , culture and religion than sit and judge people who I might not even see some 4-5 years later.
  • I like being a loner sometimes- The definition of a loner in my dictionary is quite similar to the one in the actual dictionary. It's just very different from how people define it; who judge loners as people who have no friends or find it difficult to socialize. I'm blessed with both - amazing friends and the ability to socialize, but I need my space and a lot of time to myself. I love writing and reading and I'd be an absolute fail at both, if I were constantly surrounded by people.
  • I don't enjoy alcoholI know I'm in college and most people might just laugh at me for saying this but alcohol is something I really, really do not enjoy consuming. An occasional glass of wine or a cocktail is all I can manage. This doesn't mean that I can't handle my drink because really, almost always, I'm the most sober amongst my group of friends. This also doesn't mean that I don't have fun when I don't go out. Not drinking is a choice and is, in no way, attached to having fun. I won't deny that I haven't enjoyed drinking earlier, but now, I've just realised that it isn't really my idea of fun. But hey, I'm not judging here. It's a free world.
  • I've stopped caring about people judging me- I've come to believe that as long as I live with dignity and am focused on what I need to achieve in life, what people say or think about me, is the least of my concern. I've been brought up with values that force me to never do or say bad, and towards the end of the day, I'm not answerable to those 5-6 people who talk about me for no reason, but to those who actually brought me up to be the person I am today. I don't feel the need to clarify my words or actions because those who have to judge, will do it anyway. And this is a huge change, coming from someone like me. 
  • Nature is my happy place - I've been tutoring a 12th grade student who lives near the most beautiful park I've ever seen. It's got a massive lake with these gorgeous swans and ducks swimming around, pretty flowers, a tiny stream running down a rocky terrain and hundreds of adorable dogs and babies - trust me, it's breathtaking. Visiting it has become a ritual for me. Twice a week, I leave a little early for my tuitions just to spend a good half an hour in that park. I occupy an entire bench near the lake and observe, just observe. And I would be lying if I said it wasn't the most peaceful thing to do. 

We're all living a mechanical life, and no one is to blame. But amidst all the hastiness, take a break. Stop over thinking, stop living according to the society's expectations, discover yourself, change yourself if need be, take a walk, observe people around you but don't judge, appreciate the small things in life and even the big ones, don't take anything or anyone for granted, respect people without them demanding it, love freely - no strings attached and lastly, don't be afraid - to feel something, to say something, to believe in something because this your life is entirely and wholly yours - people are like sprinkles, the added bit, which you can do without, as long as you're the batter of this delicious cupcake called life.