Saturday, December 22, 2012

& it all makes sense to me.

When she first saw him, she couldn't help but smile. It wasn't like she felt an instant connection with him, but there was something about him that made her smile. Maybe the way he looked at her, or the way he stood, leaning against a table, with a half smile trying to bury away the awkwardness of the moment.
She bumped into him a couple of days later. Their hands brushed in a hurried hello, as she struggled her way into the long waiting line. He stood a behind her, separated by a couple of chattering young girls, looking around, waiting for his turn. She turned and made small conversation with him, unsure of what to say to the person she'd met some days ago.

As days passed by, they got to know each other more. She enjoyed being in his company, waiting to see him each day. He opened up to her, spoke to her about everything under the sun. She was surprised  at how she could forget all her sorrows just by having him next to her. Their instant bond surprised her, maybe because, he was so easy to talk to. She missed him when he was away, when he wasn't with her all the time. She missed his silly laugh and his ability to find something funny in every situation.

She was unsure of what to name their relationship, she never really knew. But for her, he was her own little world. When she was breaking, he stitched her up slowly ; when she was happy, he was the reason ; when she cried, he let her wet his sweatshirt ; when she was sick, he became the expert at medicine and when she wanted no one around her, she secretly hoped he'd come.
She didn't know what was it about him, that made her go weak in her knees. Maybe it was his goofy smile and cheery nature, or his thoughtful&kind eyes, or maybe the love filled bear hug he gave her every time they met. His heart was in the right place, of that she was sure. He took care of her like no one ever did.

When she looks back and recollects her thoughts, she laughs. Laughs because with him she suddenly feels like a little girl all over again. The one who always has someone to make her laugh, who protects her and appreciates her, for whom she doesn't have to change her ways, and can be the same fun loving, hyper and happy girl , who once got lost a long time back.

Now,she looks forward to each day, ready to face to world. She smiles because she wants to, because there's a small name behind it and because, the only emotion she feels now is happiness :)

Monday, December 3, 2012

It's all okay.

It's funny how the anxiousness of meeting new people tends to show them exactly how you are. But then those are the people you immediately click with, be yourself with, who don't judge you at all, maybe because they feel the same ; people who have your back 24x7, for whom time is just a number& friendship, a real deal ; people who you can call over at 4 am because you want someone to talk to or merely because you just need a laugh ; people who stitch you up when you're torn apart and people who become such an important part of your life, that days without them seem meaningless and empty.

As I sat on the window sill of my room at University, I started thinking about situations, people and things. I'd had a terrible couple of weeks. But I've still found a way to be happy amidst the emotional upheaval. From being torn apart to being sewn back together, the last couple of weeks made me stronger. It taught me how nothing is always perfect, how things that seem perfect tend to fool you at times and how people who you love and trust are not always the people who're gonna stand by you till the end. It taught me how getting too attached may not be the best idea and made me realize that trusting someone with your life is risky. But it didn't involve any negativity. The absurdity of the situation amused me, but it made me look for things that made me happy. That made me discover who I really am.
College makes me happy. The feeling of being missed by everyone back home, the feeling of independence, the feeling of not being judged all the time and doing your own thing makes me happy. A good morning text from my mom, an " i miss you " from my best friends back in Delhi, random trips to the mall, spontaneous movie/dinner plans, 4 am meetings and deep talks with my favourite people here, make me realise how I can lead two different lives with different people and still be the same person.

When the sun sets here at 4 pm, an immediate feeling of fear rushes through my body. The fear of not having completed my work and not having done those odd jobs I was supposed to. But then I look at my watch and smile because I know I have a long way to go. That's life. A certain period comes when you feel helpless and dejected, but the hope and knowledge of having a long road ahead of you, full of opportunities, makes you realise that life is too short to be anything but happy :)