Holding On.

He held her against her, trying to calm her down. Her overwhelming sobs filled the room like an eagle screaming on top of it's prey. There was anger in the hot tears that poured down her red cheeks and she struggled in the cocoon built around her by his arms. She was in two minds - a part of her wanted to run away, away from the pain, and the other? The other wanted to stay there, to listen to his calm soothing voice, whispering words of love in her ears. She hated herself for being so weak, for being so vulnerable and at that moment, she knew. She knew that she hated the fact that she couldn't hate him, at all. The only place left to escape from, was not the room, but the pain and the anger that had filled her enough to choke her. It wasn't easy. She shivered as a myriad of bitter memories gushed into her head, admonishing her heart of the past, making it difficult for her to do anything about the current situation.

There was a fierce battle going on between her heart and mind and neither was ready to give up. A battle so fierce, that it could pass for both the World Wars, combined. All she wanted to do was shut herself out, from everyone, lock herself up, run away, scream, shout... something.

Slowly, she looked up and gazed into his eyes, startled at their dampness. She froze for a moment, unable to say anything and reluctantly brushed her thumb against his wet cheeks. Magically, all the broken pieces coalesced, into something fragile, yet stronger than before. Ironic, I know. But only they knew what it meant. She held him close, hoping to let go of the tension that had drifted them apart for a few hours. It wasn't going to go away anytime soon, but she knew it would because every time, they came out stronger than before and every time, her heart overruled her mind.

Later that night, the room had a mysterious tranquility about it. One could here their occasional sniffs and rustle of her hair against his crisp shirt. She wanted to say so much, words that would break him, words that would stitch him up, but each time she tried opening her mouth, a voice told her to stop, to succumb to her vulnerability and to forgive, whole heartedly. For her, his love meant so much more that the mistakes he'd made. To her, he was her universe, her entire life.

Maybe, somethings aren't always perfect, maybe our mistakes are what stop us from being that perfect person we're so capable of being. But what's life without a handful of mistakes and buckets of pain?

Maybe if we learn to forgive a little more and love a little more, the walls that stop us from doing so will come crashing down, and before we know it, everything will make sense again. So love a lot, hate less, and accept you other half with everything you've got because they're worth more than just a handful of heartbreaking mistakes.

It's all okay.

It's funny how the anxiousness of meeting new people tends to show them exactly how you are. But then those are the people you immediately click with, be yourself with, who don't judge you at all, maybe because they feel the same ; people who have your back 24x7, for whom time is just a number& friendship, a real deal ; people who you can call over at 4 am because you want someone to talk to or merely because you just need a laugh ; people who stitch you up when you're torn apart and people who become such an important part of your life, that days without them seem meaningless and empty.

As I sat on the window sill of my room at University, I started thinking about situations, people and things. I'd had a terrible couple of weeks. But I've still found a way to be happy amidst the emotional upheaval. From being torn apart to being sewn back together, the last couple of weeks made me stronger. It taught me how nothing is always perfect, how things that seem perfect tend to fool you at times and how people who you love and trust are not always the people who're gonna stand by you till the end. It taught me how getting too attached may not be the best idea and made me realize that trusting someone with your life is risky. But it didn't involve any negativity. The absurdity of the situation amused me, but it made me look for things that made me happy. That made me discover who I really am.
College makes me happy. The feeling of being missed by everyone back home, the feeling of independence, the feeling of not being judged all the time and doing your own thing makes me happy. A good morning text from my mom, an " i miss you " from my best friends back in Delhi, random trips to the mall, spontaneous movie/dinner plans, 4 am meetings and deep talks with my favourite people here, make me realise how I can lead two different lives with different people and still be the same person.

When the sun sets here at 4 pm, an immediate feeling of fear rushes through my body. The fear of not having completed my work and not having done those odd jobs I was supposed to. But then I look at my watch and smile because I know I have a long way to go. That's life. A certain period comes when you feel helpless and dejected, but the hope and knowledge of having a long road ahead of you, full of opportunities, makes you realise that life is too short to be anything but happy :)

Introspecting.

What do you do when the person you love the most, hurts you and makes you feel as if  whatever trust you built up on him/her was worthless? Its the worst feeling ever.
All the promises of a happily ever after seem non existant. Its like you just want to curl up into a ball and go into hibernation for the next 15 years of your life, and when you come out, you never want to see that person again. But then, like a magnet, LOVE, pulls your towards him/her. You feel that giving that person a second chance is not a big deal. As much as it kills you, you want that person right next to you. Their apology might seem meaningless, but youre willing to listen because youre not ready to let go. Youre willing to push back those memories right at the back of your mind, but youre not willing to throw them out. Because.. you cant. As much as you try, it stays. And of course it gives you a hard time. Its not paying you rent is it? Instead its like an irritating tenant who refuses to let you stay in peace. Its a constant reminder of the pain youve felt. Makes you angry , even months after you've said "its okay". Moving on is never an option. Youre obligated to live with it for  the rest of your time with that person. And then, sensitive as we might be, we try not to let it destroy what we have with that person. The one, who no matter how many times hurts you, is impossible to let go of. To hurt, like they hurt you. These feelings wake you up in the middle of the night. Dont let you sleep at times. And just when youre all happy again- Here come the feelings that you thought you'd forgotten. Its like a constant cycle. Never stops, never goes away. The one feeling of hate ALWAYS stays. But sometimes, its not hate. Its just a broken heart and lots and lots of love. Because youre not as strong as you thought you were. OR maybe, the relationship is worth fighting for. Fighting with your feelings, fighting with your mind and believing that giving that person a second chance was worth every tear. And all of a sudden, you realise that the pain you feel when youre in love is meaningless because the happiness you feel is what counts.