Holding On.

He held her against her, trying to calm her down. Her overwhelming sobs filled the room like an eagle screaming on top of it's prey. There was anger in the hot tears that poured down her red cheeks and she struggled in the cocoon built around her by his arms. She was in two minds - a part of her wanted to run away, away from the pain, and the other? The other wanted to stay there, to listen to his calm soothing voice, whispering words of love in her ears. She hated herself for being so weak, for being so vulnerable and at that moment, she knew. She knew that she hated the fact that she couldn't hate him, at all. The only place left to escape from, was not the room, but the pain and the anger that had filled her enough to choke her. It wasn't easy. She shivered as a myriad of bitter memories gushed into her head, admonishing her heart of the past, making it difficult for her to do anything about the current situation.

There was a fierce battle going on between her heart and mind and neither was ready to give up. A battle so fierce, that it could pass for both the World Wars, combined. All she wanted to do was shut herself out, from everyone, lock herself up, run away, scream, shout... something.

Slowly, she looked up and gazed into his eyes, startled at their dampness. She froze for a moment, unable to say anything and reluctantly brushed her thumb against his wet cheeks. Magically, all the broken pieces coalesced, into something fragile, yet stronger than before. Ironic, I know. But only they knew what it meant. She held him close, hoping to let go of the tension that had drifted them apart for a few hours. It wasn't going to go away anytime soon, but she knew it would because every time, they came out stronger than before and every time, her heart overruled her mind.

Later that night, the room had a mysterious tranquility about it. One could here their occasional sniffs and rustle of her hair against his crisp shirt. She wanted to say so much, words that would break him, words that would stitch him up, but each time she tried opening her mouth, a voice told her to stop, to succumb to her vulnerability and to forgive, whole heartedly. For her, his love meant so much more that the mistakes he'd made. To her, he was her universe, her entire life.

Maybe, somethings aren't always perfect, maybe our mistakes are what stop us from being that perfect person we're so capable of being. But what's life without a handful of mistakes and buckets of pain?

Maybe if we learn to forgive a little more and love a little more, the walls that stop us from doing so will come crashing down, and before we know it, everything will make sense again. So love a lot, hate less, and accept you other half with everything you've got because they're worth more than just a handful of heartbreaking mistakes.

From Jan to Feb.

Hi guys!
For those of you who asked me to update my blog sooner than this, here's a biiiiiig apology! Im back in Cardiff, and university life doesn't really allow me to blog so frequently. In between all the lectures, tutorials and other stuff, I hardly ever get time to think and write down my thoughts. Like now. This is most definitely not my typical kind of post but hey, I'm still going to rant on about what I've been up to lately. And for all those of you who think Im always online on Facebook, SHH, Im not always facebooking you know, the tab is just always open :P
Anyway.
The first few days after coming to college were crazy. It took me 3 days to completely unpack because I, the semi-blonde that I am, thought that bringing all my summer clothes would be the best idea. But my room is TINY! and the cupboard can't accommodate my winter and summer clothes. As a result, my room is ALWAYS in a mess because I keep throwing clothes on the floor while fishing for clothes in my cupboard. Sighh. And then FOOD-biggest problem of living in a self catered accommodation. Thankfully, my mum insisted on packing a few eatables for the initial days so I didn't really have to cook. Kind of regretting bringing more clothes than food ( my best friend better not be reading this) but it's okay, Im managing well enough.
I'm so happy to be back. Cardiff already feels like home. I have my homesick days but then, I asked for it :P I love college, I love my professors and tutors. They're so nice and welcoming. As long as you do all your work, they dont care about whatever the hell you do. And the support here is wonderful. They do everything to make sure you're understanding what they've been teaching, even if you email them 10 times a day, they reply with a solution. So I'm pretty happy with my decision.
I get weekends+Fridays off, which is cool but then being a law student, I have tons of work piled up for the week and I procrastinate a lot which, sigh, I cant do anything about, anymore. I've given up.
SO YEAH, whooop -di- do.

ITS FEBRUARY. God, how much I love this month.
However, what I can't understand is why people are so ajfbjwef about Valentine's Day. I dont get how being single sucks so much. IT DOESN'T. Been there, done that. + where in the world does Valentine= mean a spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend, why can't we just dedicate one whole day to people we love from the bottom of our heart, even if it's our best friend? Seriously, being single doesn't stop you from celebrating love. I love this day of the month and the days before it. My heart literally melts when I see old people queuing up in shops to buy gifts for their spouses, it makes me believe in forever & when young people (punks/guys who look like they can't commit) have conversations with their friends about what to gift their girlfriend, and even when some people buy cards saying I love you, mum/dad. It makes me so happy to see so much love in this world. Being spiteful about a day that makes you want to believe in love is never really a solution to anything. Not saying that we shouldn't celebrate everyday like its V-day, but you get what I mean right ? Oh well, to each his own.
Also, it's my birthday month and my birthday gets me all excited like a 5 year old. I swear, I can never grow up. It's going to be a low key one though, because I lost my grandpa (read : favourite-est person) this new year :( and I dont really want to celebrate anything right now. But life goes on, he taught me that and I'm going to definitely follow it.
Then we have this event in college, called Go Global which represents the different countries and their people, studying here. So the Indian Society is putting up a little dance show and I'm going to performing on the 24th of this month! Im so pumped about it. Firstly because it's my first ever performance here and secondly, because I'm performing after like 6 months or so. I missed rehearsing as a team, coming up with steps, fighting over songs and all that, and voila- here we are again.

This sums about the last month and the current one. I had a good time back home. It felt amazing to be with the people I'd been missing like crazy over here. My friends and family made sure I was well fed and pampered before I came back here, haha. I'm also happy that I got to say goodbye to my nana and spend some quality time with him. Funny how things turn out. One day someone seems like the happiest,healthiest person and the next day, he's gone, just like that. I don't quite understand how this works but I wont dwell into it, either.
I should probably go to bed now. Got a lecture in 3 hours and I haven't slept a wink. No, I wasn't studying THAT much. I had to watch Pretty Little Liars and woah, what an episode. This show never stops giving me goosebumps. Can't wait another weeeek!!

Hope you all have a good February!
xxxx

& it all makes sense to me.

When she first saw him, she couldn't help but smile. It wasn't like she felt an instant connection with him, but there was something about him that made her smile. Maybe the way he looked at her, or the way he stood, leaning against a table, with a half smile trying to bury away the awkwardness of the moment.
She bumped into him a couple of days later. Their hands brushed in a hurried hello, as she struggled her way into the long waiting line. He stood a behind her, separated by a couple of chattering young girls, looking around, waiting for his turn. She turned and made small conversation with him, unsure of what to say to the person she'd met some days ago.

As days passed by, they got to know each other more. She enjoyed being in his company, waiting to see him each day. He opened up to her, spoke to her about everything under the sun. She was surprised  at how she could forget all her sorrows just by having him next to her. Their instant bond surprised her, maybe because, he was so easy to talk to. She missed him when he was away, when he wasn't with her all the time. She missed his silly laugh and his ability to find something funny in every situation.

She was unsure of what to name their relationship, she never really knew. But for her, he was her own little world. When she was breaking, he stitched her up slowly ; when she was happy, he was the reason ; when she cried, he let her wet his sweatshirt ; when she was sick, he became the expert at medicine and when she wanted no one around her, she secretly hoped he'd come.
She didn't know what was it about him, that made her go weak in her knees. Maybe it was his goofy smile and cheery nature, or his thoughtful&kind eyes, or maybe the love filled bear hug he gave her every time they met. His heart was in the right place, of that she was sure. He took care of her like no one ever did.

When she looks back and recollects her thoughts, she laughs. Laughs because with him she suddenly feels like a little girl all over again. The one who always has someone to make her laugh, who protects her and appreciates her, for whom she doesn't have to change her ways, and can be the same fun loving, hyper and happy girl , who once got lost a long time back.

Now,she looks forward to each day, ready to face to world. She smiles because she wants to, because there's a small name behind it and because, the only emotion she feels now is happiness :)

Introspecting.

What do you do when the person you love the most, hurts you and makes you feel as if  whatever trust you built up on him/her was worthless? Its the worst feeling ever.
All the promises of a happily ever after seem non existant. Its like you just want to curl up into a ball and go into hibernation for the next 15 years of your life, and when you come out, you never want to see that person again. But then, like a magnet, LOVE, pulls your towards him/her. You feel that giving that person a second chance is not a big deal. As much as it kills you, you want that person right next to you. Their apology might seem meaningless, but youre willing to listen because youre not ready to let go. Youre willing to push back those memories right at the back of your mind, but youre not willing to throw them out. Because.. you cant. As much as you try, it stays. And of course it gives you a hard time. Its not paying you rent is it? Instead its like an irritating tenant who refuses to let you stay in peace. Its a constant reminder of the pain youve felt. Makes you angry , even months after you've said "its okay". Moving on is never an option. Youre obligated to live with it for  the rest of your time with that person. And then, sensitive as we might be, we try not to let it destroy what we have with that person. The one, who no matter how many times hurts you, is impossible to let go of. To hurt, like they hurt you. These feelings wake you up in the middle of the night. Dont let you sleep at times. And just when youre all happy again- Here come the feelings that you thought you'd forgotten. Its like a constant cycle. Never stops, never goes away. The one feeling of hate ALWAYS stays. But sometimes, its not hate. Its just a broken heart and lots and lots of love. Because youre not as strong as you thought you were. OR maybe, the relationship is worth fighting for. Fighting with your feelings, fighting with your mind and believing that giving that person a second chance was worth every tear. And all of a sudden, you realise that the pain you feel when youre in love is meaningless because the happiness you feel is what counts.